[forgiveness]

I got a sign before what happened last Friday.

I've been looking for another one after what happened last Friday.

And this is what I've found...

"mother teresa said....
if we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive.

akhirnya malam ini langit kembali bertaburkan bintang
lihat, sayang...
*dan kemarinpun kamu ingin aku cepat pulang. aku pulang sebentar lagi, sayang... i'll see you soon, don't worry*

(and i forgave you... but still in the progress of forgiving myself.)"

It's taken from Melanie's blog.
I feel really weird after I read it. Can't really describe my feelings.

I've been looking for the right answer. I'm scared and still feeling hurt. I'm in the process of learning how to forgive. It's the hardest thing for me to learn right now. But somehow apa yang ditulis Melanie tuh bikin gue merasa gue harus berpikir lebih panjang dulu sebelon gue bilang "I will never EVER forgive you!" to the other person.

Seperti yang pernah gue tulis di blog gue a couple of months ago, maaf itu mahal harganya. The thing is gue gak tau kadar mahalnya ampe mana. Itu yang bikin gue gak pasti mulu. Sehari bisa bilang, "Gue udah pasti2 gak bisa maapin tuh orang!" Besoknya bilang, "Kalo gue gak maapin, berarti gue jaat. Bisa2 gue nambah dosa. Apa gue maapin aja ya? He said he'll make it up to me big time. Can he be trusted again though?"

Jadi yang bener tuh gue harus gimana? Emang ini gak seberat masalahnya Scott Peterson and his capital punishment, but intinya sama aja.

Do I need to look inside my heart and find the thing called "forgiveness"?