Hari ini Sabtu and gue udah memulai hari gue dari jam 7.30 pagi!

Gue emang ada appointment di dealer at 8.15 AM. My check engine light has been on for like 3 weeks, and I haven't got the time to get it checked. So I woke up at 7.30 this morning, took a shower (dengan males2an, of course), and dropped my car off at the dealer.

Cippi picked me up and we went to the ER together. He's been having muscle pain for the last 4 days and he didn't sleep last night because the pain's too intense. He tried to call some doctors, but apparently they're closed on Saturdays, and the only way to see a doctor is at the ER. I think that's weird, not only because some people don't like to see other doctors than their own, but also because we can't pick and choose the day we want to get sick!

Anyway, ini pertama kalinya Cippi ke dokter ever since he came to the U.S. So I'm sure that the pain's killing him big time. That makes me pretty nervous too. While we're sitting in the waiting room, he told me that he got paranoid last night (he's a big time paranoid), and he started to think what if he got cancer in his back. Dia bilang kalo emang dia kena cancer or penyakit berat laennya, dia gak bakalan cerita apa2 ke gue, he would break up with me dengan kata2 kasar, so that I would get hurt and leave him alone for good because dia gak mau nyusahin gue and he wants me to move on with my life.

I know that he's just being paranoid. So I just ignored him, I was worried enough. And now, at 7 PM, I'm thinking about it. Although it turned out that he's gonna be just fine, I can't stop asking myself the what if questions. What if dia bener2 sakit? Sakit yang bukan sakit biasa? T'rus gue mulai ngebayangin yang gak2. Honestly, gue emang takut kalo dia kenapa2. I lost one of my dearest friends. I was in high school, and he just went to the U.S. to study. Masih cinta monyet, apalagi guenya gak sayang2 banget 'ma dia. But then the day he passed away, thousand miles away from me, I cried and cried and cried like there's no tomorrow. I didn't have the strength to talk to anyone, not even my parents. Before I graduated from high school, I knew that I have to talk to someone about this before it completely makes me insane. So I did, and it helped.

I rarely think about him now. He passed away in the month of August, and that's the hardest month I have to go through every year. So when Cippi told me about leaving me if he turns out to be very sick, the only thing that went through my mind was dejavu, but I know this time it will completely make me insane.